Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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