You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
