ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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