The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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