we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
