you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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