Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
