There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
