I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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