for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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