He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
