just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
