i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He passed out mid-signature
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
