Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
