So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
