I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
