Don't you send me to vm
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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