Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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