I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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