last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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