Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
