End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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