I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
