at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize