No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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