I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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