omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This is my life. Enjoy the view
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
