kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
