Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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