i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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