So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
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