Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
