i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
