when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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