Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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