So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
