woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
