i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
