Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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