you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
