I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
