I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
