Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
