would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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