I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
