At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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