You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
