GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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