i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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