dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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