So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
