Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
