false alarm. still invincible.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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