like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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