Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
