You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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