I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
