Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
