two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
