Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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