I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
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I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize