nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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