I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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