I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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