Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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