Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have post one night stand depression
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
