He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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