dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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