We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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