the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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