Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
