How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
