The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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