Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
