Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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