sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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