For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
