Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
